tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post1407881571050226197..comments2023-11-05T07:27:43.837-05:00Comments on Narrative and Technology: Revision #2 Symbolism in Jimmy Corrigan Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-9043743072687048122013-03-30T14:08:52.684-04:002013-03-30T14:08:52.684-04:00The beginning doesn't break any extensive new ...The beginning doesn't break any extensive new ground vs. the original, as I remember it. I very much like the point that Jimmy is happy at the moment when he receives the mask in a way that he never exceeds through the book (you might be able to argue that there are very brief moments with Amy that might rival it, although certainly the childhood happiness is straightforward in a way that those moments with Amy aren't).<br /><br />By the third paragraph, it's clear that you're summarizing too much for a short revision. There's nothing wrong with a shorter revision, and summarization can be a valuable tool - but if you're going to keep it short, you really need to emphasize the argument throughout. There are certainly *ideas* here, or moments of argument, but the overall argument is quite unclear.<br /><br />I think the extended discussion of the mask is promising, but what you're basically doing is compressing a whole essay into a paragraph. This is more a summary of an argument than the argument itself - which would possibly invoke research, and would definitely say something more detailed about how the idea of the mask comes back throughout the text, even if it isn't physically present.<br /><br />The long paragraph on color symbolism is, frankly, bizarre. Bizarre isn't bad, necessarily - while I really wanted to see some justification for applying African culture to Jimmy Corrigan in this way (this is a substantial hurdle for me, which I haven't gotten over), I still think your discussion of the vest, for instance, was at least interesting. So it's problematic that you apply African symbolism to this text without explanation, but it's much more problematic that this discussion serves no larger argument. You needed to figure out a way to integrate the superhero argument with the color symbolism argument, while better justifying the latter.<br /><br />Overall: There are at least three distinct essays here. The first is pedestrian but has some level of detail. The second (on the mask) is a good idea, but underdeveloped. The third (on color symbolism) is a weird stretch, but one that might pan out with more work. The fundamental problem is that you're doing lots of different things, rather than making one true argument, in which all of the pieces work together.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com