tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post334941574306162007..comments2023-11-05T07:27:43.837-05:00Comments on Narrative and Technology: Revision 2Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-4218347014402451582013-03-30T11:05:45.992-04:002013-03-30T11:05:45.992-04:00# Janine
## Intro
Some of the first paragraph fee...# Janine<br /><br />## Intro<br />Some of the first paragraph feels a little bit clunky. You end, however, with a thoughtful and pointed question. I don't remember it being worded quite this well in the first draft, although maybe I've just forgotten.<br /><br />## Par 2-5<br />Especially given some of the episodes in season 2, I'm inclined to question whether the awkwardness belongs more to Hannah than to other characters. Most notably, there are the scenes with Adam's new boyfriend, although other characters have many, many awkward encounters as well. A strong focus on Hannah has its strengths, but if de-eroticization is a theme, it might be best to include other characters in more depth. Your analysis (par 3) of Hannah's appearance is, of course, a strong element of the essay, and one way in which the show pushes hard against our expectations. But we should be asking the question: does this mean that an unexpected body is being eroticized, or that we are witnessing the de-eroticization of bodies? I tend to side with you here, as you know, but I think you're basically skipping over some intermediary steps here.<br /><br />In paragraph 4, you continue on with a perfectly good discussion of body image in relationship with Hannah. While this is good material, it makes me think that your argument is, indeed, shifting - that what you are discussing is actually the re-eroticization of a body that conventionally would be the object (subject?) of "normative discontent", rather than the de-eroticization of all bodies.<br /><br />Then, in paragraph 5, we're back to the way in which we might be embarrassed watching Hannah have sex with Adam (how about the doctor with the beautiful house?). I think all of your analysis is really good, but it's not at all obvious whether we're dealing with de- or re- eroticization. You're of two minds, I think.<br /><br />## Overall<br /><br />It's a smart essay. It was a good draft, and it's a good revision - the incorporation of research is especially good. I don't think it's at all finished, though. You're very good at articulating what our expectations are re: representations of sexuality (using both Marcuse and your research), and you're very good at articulating what is strange or boundary-pushing in *Girls*. Your interpretation of *Girls* through Marcuse is certainly incomplete, though. De- or re- eroticization? You really argue both, without resolving the tension between the two.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com