tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post4217963880772123097..comments2023-11-05T07:27:43.837-05:00Comments on Narrative and Technology: Brian DeWillie Prompt 2Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-73324883496431724342013-01-20T13:14:30.424-05:002013-01-20T13:14:30.424-05:00Your first paragraph doesn't actually do anyth...Your first paragraph doesn't actually do anything beyond restating the prompt. You want to begin with *your* argument (sometimes in a first draft that argument is a little fuzzy, but you still want to start there, no matter how imperfectly).<br /><br />Re: the second paragraph, consider this line: "To me, this means that one should try to look at both sides of any endeavor in order to make an informed decision rather than blindly pursue new knowledge." Here, you're beginning to develop an argument. What I'd like to see, though, is a version which articulates not that an other side exists, but that deals with what it *is*. Is the opposition to the pursuit of knowledge purely negative, or does it represent some positive set of values? In other words, what is the alternative to Walton (or the alternative version of Walton, if you prefer) really like?<br /><br />Your second theme is less obvious, and less developed. I also think it's more interesting, for what it's worth - maybe because Victor fails to communicate so dramatically in the rest of the novel, whereas Walton communicates far more, no matter how imperfectly. <br /><br />If you revise, you should either focus on one of the two themes, or you should explore the two themes more in connection with each other. I like the second much better, but you've also done less with it - revising around the second theme would really be essentially starting a whole new essay. Don't think of that as a bad thing, though - it's an opportunity, because you'd be starting with what seems to me to be a clear and interesting idea.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com