tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post4587518429947345281..comments2023-11-05T07:27:43.837-05:00Comments on Narrative and Technology: Facing Your FatherAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-4982907467376048322014-03-11T19:48:36.696-04:002014-03-11T19:48:36.696-04:00This introduction opens the risk of being too gene...This introduction opens the risk of being too generic; what I'll be looking for is you to do something specific with the images you've sighted, rather than continuing to generalize in a way that simply relates to them.<br /><br />The next couple paragraphs *are* sometimes too generic, but you also have very good material: "He does not have any memories from his childhood of his father that have shaped his image of him, or the image of any man for that matter. One of the reasons that there is a remarkable lack of faces in the novel is that without a father to shape his image of men, Jimmy sees them all as the same. " This is an excellent idea. You aren't quite making the argument yet - this is something which needs more evidence behind it - but you are using *this* image to get at what the *general* tendency towards facelessness means. I think highly of the direction, though I'm of two minds about your execution of it.<br /><br />"He does not seem to comprehend that men are actually vastly different, and do not fit into the “elderly businessman” stereotype. This is a very naïve and confused outlook to have on the situation" - I think there's a mistake here. You are assuming from the start that he has no idea who his father is, then you ignore the visual evidence that he does, in fact, have some understanding - his father is an older, possibly somewhat more functional version of himself. You're reading ignorance, but it might be better to see some kind of self-knowledge here.<br /><br />Overall: You have some good material, but struggle to really find your focus, especially at the start. If you revise, I think you want to really think about what you have two say in the closing paragraphs and come up with a more clearly argued, united version of those ideas - then really focus on evidence.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-90476326462530292782014-03-08T09:33:13.077-05:002014-03-08T09:33:13.077-05:00I liked your argument that the lack of a paternal ...I liked your argument that the lack of a paternal father figure was the direct cause of Jimmy’s social limitations, especially how you made the connection on how the image of men with blacked-out eyes and Jimmy’s projection onto other men about what his father looks like. However, the essay could be more fleshed out and specific. The argument is on three points, but without much concrete proof, just generalities about Jimmy that are true because they are vague.<br />For the third paragraph, a good extension of the point you make there could be about how Jimmy now needs to reconcile his “idealized” father image with the man who he actually meets. You start towards that, but never really reach it, and it could strengthen your argument. You stop at the visual aspect, and by going deeper, you get more into describing Jimmy’s personality quirks. <br />You mention identity and self-actualization at the end of the essay, and both topics could be developed further. Through the entire essay, you focus on HOW Jimmy is separated from his father, but you need to go into more of the effects, and at a deeper level. What specifically did the lack of a male role model do on Jimmy’s future process of self-actualization? You start towards this topic in the 3rd and 4th paragraph, but stop at “This leads him to appear incredibly lonely” and “This is a vary naïve and confused outlook on the situation”. Add things about his lack of self-confidence, or inability to connect with other people. <br />Overall, I liked your point about how the lack of a father figure changed Jimmy’s life, but to really improve the essay, you need to go deeper, with more concrete examples, about what specifically it changed in his life, not just generalities. <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04845210295365139528noreply@blogger.com