tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post585903605034661250..comments2023-11-05T07:27:43.837-05:00Comments on Narrative and Technology: Scratches: First CutAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-7181121872587369362007-12-10T15:01:00.000-05:002007-12-10T15:01:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-12483858957909452402007-12-10T06:56:00.000-05:002007-12-10T06:56:00.000-05:00Don't you two have projects to be writing?Don't you two have projects to be writing?Adam Johnshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11588769281227456640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-39600599934424736412007-12-09T23:00:00.000-05:002007-12-09T23:00:00.000-05:00Lance, I'm so glad you've decided to descend from ...Lance, I'm so glad you've decided to descend from on high to comment on the writings of us mere mortals. You're right, I should be grateful that you took the time to make even one vague, unhelpful comment. I should be ecstatic that you have the benevolence to respond that you were NOT going to elaborate on your baseless advice.<BR/><BR/>Secondly, you are entirely wrong about adverbs. They're not the "meat and potatoes" but they're not rat poison either. There's a major difference between "he replied" and "he replied calmly" or "walked" and "walked with rage" (or are adverbial clauses exempt from your silly rule?)<BR/><BR/>You throw out a lot of bullshit in class and on this blog. Your claims that adverbs are bad, nameless writers pride themselves on their adverb brevity, that you have a bigger vocabulary than the rest of the class, and that you're a better writer than me are all bullshit. I'm calling you on it. Have the balls to back it up instead of dodging it like you did with your last comment.<BR/><BR/>In the spirit of our Wikipedia generation, I throw out this one-word summary of this comment: "Cite?"Mike Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10631425522655554308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-22362340222713697342007-12-09T06:23:00.000-05:002007-12-09T06:23:00.000-05:00Then I guess you should delete those 9 adverbs, hu...Then I guess you should delete those 9 adverbs, huh Mike? and, just so you know, a word doesn't need an -ly at the end of it to be an adverb.<BR/><BR/>Incidentally, I'm giving you constructive criticism on how to write better-- which would mean having to extensively go over, in depth, everything you wrote and analyzing it and suggesting how to write it better. I gave you a starting point, I'm not going to grade what you've written. Be grateful that I took the time to point out your rampant adverb usage. Please note that many authors pride themselves on the fact that they've used less than 10 adverbs in all the books that they've written.<BR/><BR/>And this: Naturally, the better described something is, the better the imagery. However that often leads to focussing the reader on the wrong thing, since you can't do that for every noun in the paper-it'd be a book!<BR/><BR/>Does not make sense. If your plot is so lame that the reader becomes lost in the scenery, oviously something needs to change. I would also point out that it's the choice of how strong a word that you use that decides how much focus an object gets. I said that in my previous comment. Read what I wrote carefully before you argue with me about what it means to write well as you need more help on it than I do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-70562061968818599822007-12-08T21:53:00.000-05:002007-12-08T21:53:00.000-05:00I think you should give the third voice a try. If...I think you should give the third voice a try. If you don't like it, you can ditch it.<BR/><BR/>I follow what you're saying about being consumed by the game, but what I'm saying is that I don't see that (yet) working differently than books (say, Lovecraft) which are about being consumed by an evil book (as satirized in Evil Dead II, especially). I'm not saying you won't make it work, just letting you know that I didn't see it _yet_.Adam Johnshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11588769281227456640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-40820494831298536062007-12-08T19:31:00.000-05:002007-12-08T19:31:00.000-05:00Lance- I'm not sure what you're talking about. I ...Lance- I'm not sure what you're talking about. I count, like, 9 adverbs in the whole 4-page draft. Naturally, the better described something is, the better the imagery. However that often leads to focussing the reader on the wrong thing, since you can't do that for every noun in the paper-it'd be a book! Quote something specific and change it so I can see what you're referring to.<BR/><BR/>Adam- The point is, by the end of it, "Mike" will be totally consumed by the game. The medium is difficult to explain, since I'm converting it into the medium it's supposed to be compared to. I thought of adding a third voice that would comment on "Mike", who is my thesis, one could say. What would you (or anyone) suggest?Mike Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10631425522655554308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-55604031532382301172007-12-08T07:10:00.000-05:002007-12-08T07:10:00.000-05:00Lance isn't wrong about adverbs. I feel less stro...Lance isn't wrong about adverbs. I feel less strongly about it than some do, but I wouldn't even attempt to defend them.<BR/><BR/>I would have thought of Lovecraft even if you hadn't explicitly brought him up here. Lovecraft's stories, of course, all revolve around the discovery of an ancient horror, with that ancient horror, probably more often than, being revealed by way of a book or set of engravings (<I>At the Mountains of Madness</I>, etc.), although there are counterexamples ("The Dunwich Horror").<BR/><BR/>Why am I going on and on about Lovecraft? Because your narrative functions more or less like a Lovecraft story. Some dude discovers a creepy manuscript in a creepy house, we get some excerpts from creepy manuscript, then (presumably) all Hell eventually breaks loose.<BR/><BR/>So here's my question. How is it useful, or relevant, that this has roots in a _game_? How is the gameplay relevant here? How is this, in other words, different from a variation on a Lovecraft story? What does the medium _add_, or do _differently_, than a simple story could do?Adam Johnshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11588769281227456640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-67255738736048733692007-12-08T01:49:00.000-05:002007-12-08T01:49:00.000-05:00I don't like or dislike the story one way or anoth...I don't like or dislike the story one way or another, but Mike, to help you with your write, I recommend this: try to eliminate as many adverbs as you can from your story. Nouns and verbs are, what a lot of my professors have called the "meat and potatoes" of writing. Adverbs, instead of adding to a verb or adjective, depletes the picture you are creating opposed to helping it. Really isn't much difference between a "big scar" and a "really big scar" we get the point, it's a massive, ugly, thing.<BR/><BR/>If you want to induce a stronger atmosphere, use stronger adjectives, verbs, and nouns. It wasn't dark, it was lurid, nebulous, gloomy, or, if you want to get creative, something like "The darkness was a burnt out bulb-- lifeless and opaque."<BR/><BR/>Use this for everything you write, your imagery will be sharper and fluid.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-61278872813757148682007-12-07T21:45:00.000-05:002007-12-07T21:45:00.000-05:00Damn it! I just spent the last half hour trying to...Damn it! I just spent the last half hour trying to figure out how to post this thing, with its crazy formatting and its pictures...the preview showed it relatively unscathed, but on the blog it looks like crap! Frustrated...<BR/><BR/>If you copy what I've written and paste it into a blank word document, you can see the original formatting (which is important!) but the pictures will be screwy. Ah well, take your pick.<BR/><BR/>Anyhow, the theme here is that Michael Arthate is the main character of the game. He's a writer that's looking to finish his book but needs a suitably scary ending. My character has just bought the game and is beginning to fall into it. By the end, he'll be so inside the game, he'll feel what Arthate feels and won't even acknowledge the outside world. The point being "Look what the game does to pull you into it. That's what it brings to the table as a form of narrative."Mike Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10631425522655554308noreply@blogger.com