tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post5968696837623340386..comments2023-11-05T07:27:43.837-05:00Comments on Narrative and Technology: Revision 2: Physically Close yet Emotionally IsolatedAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-62947944528005029002013-11-09T11:43:34.070-05:002013-11-09T11:43:34.070-05:00I have a generalized hostility to introductions wh...I have a generalized hostility to introductions which don't move quickly to nail down a precise topic. I'm not comfortable that you've really created a precise thesis here - and yet, there's a lot to like about your introduction, because you provide a thoughtful orientation to Jimmy's character as a whole.<br /><br />You show more of that complex engagement with Jimmy's character in your effective revision of the next paragraph. "Jimmy’s repressed sexuality leads me to believe that Jimmy is not intentionally looking at the woman’s breast, but since he is so emotionally stunted, he cannot help glancing there." This is a good development, although there a sentence or two further about why you read it this way would not be out of place.<br /><br />Re: the cashier, I wonder if we see the hearts (signifying love, I guess) when he's so blatantly just checking her out because his immaturity leads him to consistently confuse momentary desire with actual love. This is a reading that you're leading me to, by the way. Good!<br /><br />Skipping ahead a little bit, what does it mean to create a character who we want to succeed who we also know won't succeed? It seems almost like a kind of trap to me. In any case, I would have liked to know your take on this - *analyze* what things mean - don't stop at the observation that they exist (although in case the observation itself is important, and takes some analysis to get there).<br /><br />Your use of research is fine, although its contribution is limited. Your discussion of his interaction with his father seems important and yet abbreviated. Let me point out a way in which you could have pushed it farther. You did a great job at analyzing Jimmy's sexual attitude toward women. Then you want to connect his attitude towards women with his relationship with his father - also good. Then you talk about his awkwardness with his father without exploring the intense sexual resentment there - the scene where he imagines his mother and father having sex, then imagines himself skinning his father is the most dramatic example of that sexualized rage, but not the only one. It's a dark and ugly place to go in your analysis, of course, but you're already on the brink, and I think the logical conclusion of your argument would have led to the relationship between Jimmy's attitudes about sex and his attitudes about his father.<br /><br />Overall: This is a large step forward. It is your best work, I think, with good writing and clear analysis throughout. There is still more to be done - you don't follow everything through to its logical conclusion, and there is a distressing vagueness to your ostensible thesis - but this is, again, a step forward.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com