tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post8672835425808043402..comments2023-11-05T07:27:43.837-05:00Comments on Narrative and Technology: A Confrontation with a Bacon PlateAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-31572573407759864452014-03-16T20:44:40.547-04:002014-03-16T20:44:40.547-04:00I'm a little torn here. Part of me thinks tha...I'm a little torn here. Part of me thinks that you're taking an interesting but minor subject and beating it to death. I fully agree with your analysis about his inability to respond to or accept a simple "hi" from his father - so even if I think you're belaboring things a little bit, I still think there is a good *core* analysis of a deceptively interesting scene here.<br /><br />Where I really become torn is in your discussion of the farm. Your attempt to connect this scene to the fantasy of the farm and the homicidal father is *clever*, but it's so thin, too. So I'm skeptical, but it does give me an idea - if you really wanted to revise this, I think the way to do it might be to use the bacon as just an introduction to an analysis of the ways in which his fantasy fathers impinge upon his real father, making it impossible for him to actually speak to him.<br /><br />I guess what I just said is the more I think about it the more you're convincing me - but I still think you need more evidence in fewer words.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692381608294018617.post-37882719415584605902014-03-07T11:38:00.533-05:002014-03-07T11:38:00.533-05:00In your essay, you analyze the image deeply and we...In your essay, you analyze the image deeply and well. As you progress through your essay, you analysis gets deeper; I like this structure.<br /><br />I think your second paragraph may need a transition in the middle. Indeed, he does look like he is in physical distress, but then you jump to his paranoia of his father killing him. This is a big transition to make. Obviously, his father is causing him distress in many ways, and you talk about this in the rest of your essay. I think you would benefit from moving this part of the paragraph to a point of its own, and expanding it. Why does he feel such distress towards his father that he fears that he will kill him? <br /><br />The paragraph about the bacon itself is done very well. Pointing out Ware's concentration to origin really strengthened your argument.<br /><br />If you were to revise this essay, I would add possible reasons why he is so distrusting of his father, and possibly mention his sister (the part you took out before). Both of these points could definitely add to your argument. Overall, great job! Jessica Merrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10384903718135324965noreply@blogger.com