Ok, so we all know that Hepzibah was part of the Aristotelian class. She lived all her life with her family money and now in her old age has to open the cent shop that was created by her ancestor. This change is not like the change we all underwent Sunday, August 24-going to bed with your mind in what I like to call it “summer mode” and waking up the next day and having to force your mind to switch to “school mode.” No, this was not a minor change like that. She went to bed as an Aristocrat and arose a woman in the working class.
Hawthorne states the change best on page 34 as he describes the scene when the little schoolboy pays her for the gingerbread cookie in the window, “The little schoolboy… had wrought an irreparable ruin. The structure of ancient aristocracy had been demolished by him, even as if his childish grip had torn down the seven gabled mansion (34).” With that transaction, it was official. Hepzibah was now part of the working class. Hawthorne describes the event as the demolishing of the structure of ancient aristocracy. No one is supposed to change classes. You are what you are born into. But here, with the help of the little schoolboy the division no longer stands. The little schoolboy demolished what status Hepzibah had even with the house. Hawthorne symbolizes her status with the house but then he says that the little schoolboy demolishes it.
As I embark on my final year here at the University of Pittsburgh, I often feel the squeeze of that which is the real world. I always worked growing, from mowing my grandparents’ lawns to screen-printing t-shirts as a high school job. Money was never really an issue. But now, my life has changed. I work 30 hours a week at the Carnegie Science Center and go to school full time. Needless to say, I do not have that much free time on my hands. Well, I am trying to make ends meet while not tapping into my student loans. It is this that worries me most, leaving school, owing thousands of dollars and knowing that every month hundreds of my hard-earned dollars will go towards paying them off. This is a big change for me. I have never been in debt until two months ago when I got my first credit card and I am petrified.
My lifestyle as I know it is about to change. I furthered my education not just to become a more learned individual, but also to have a better lifestyle when I graduate. Now, what if I can’t find a job in my respective field? I could be forced to go back to the blue-collar lifestyle I lived in high school. I did not come to college, create a humongous debt for myself, just to go back to work in a blue-collar job. Though not anywhere near the magnitude of what “our beloved heroin” Hepzibah did, it is still a downward movement. A movement against the “American Dream” and a move I do not want to make. We do have a class system today, I believe similar to that of Hepzibah’s. It is a class system where it is easy to go down, but extremely hard to work your way up. It is a system where you have to know people or have money to make it anywhere.
3 comments:
Overall I think your ideas in the paper good I just believe it could be strengthened with some of my suggestions. Personally I don't feel that I'm a great writer myself, so take my comments as you will.
To start off I believe you should take out the first paragraph and turn the second one into the intro. I feel it was to informal, and although I understand that's how you prefer to write and don't think its appropriate for the class. I too enjoy reading more informal papers, but you may want to email Adam to see how feels about it.
There were several grammatical issues that aren't the biggest deal but you may want to address them. You should also re-read it out loud because there were a few words missing from sentences. I do the same all the time because I think of things in my head quicker than I type and leave out words.
I think you need to make your thesis about change more clear and stronger as opposed to just pointing out that it occurred.
An example I'd give for an opening sentence for your second paragraph would be "The change can be seen the best on pg. 34 when Hawthorne describes the scene when the schoolboy pays Hepzibah for the gingerbread cookie in the window". With that I also feel you need to expand on this scene and why it's so important and shows change.
The main thing I believe you should do is expand by developing and explaining your main points of the paper. Tie in how your change is similar to Hepzibah and make this clear.
The last paragraph overall seems a bit choppy with some incomplete sentences so I would just go back and make it flow better. I would do the same with the rest of the paper as well by having transitions form the paragraphs.
She went to bed as an Aristocrat and arose a member of the working class. Hepzibah, the heroine of Nathanial Hawthorne’s House of Seven Gables, underwent a life altering change from being an Aristocrat to a member of the working class. Hawthorne states this change best on page 34 as he describes the scene when the first customer, a little schoolboy, pays her for the gingerbread cookie in the window, “The little schoolboy… had wrought an irreparable ruin. The structure of ancient aristocracy had been demolished by him, even as if his childish grip had torn down the seven gabled mansion (34).” With that transaction, it was official; Hepzibah was now part of the working class. Hawthorne describes the event as the demolishing of the structure of ancient aristocracy. No one is supposed to change classes. You are what you are born into. But here, with the help of the little schoolboy the division no longer stands. The little schoolboy demolished what status Hepzibah had even with the house. Hawthorne symbolizes Hepzibah’s status with the house, but when the little boy made his payment, the house crumbled, along with the Pyncheon family.
As I embark on my final year here at the University of Pittsburgh, I often feel the squeeze of that which is the real world and worry that my “house” will not crumble. I have always worked growing up, from mowing my grandparents’ lawns to screen-printing t-shirts as a high school job. Money was never really an issue. But now, my life has changed. I work 30 hours a week at the Carnegie Science Center and go to school full time. Needless to say, I do not have that much free time on my hands. I work this hard so I do not have to experience a class change like Hepzibah when I leave school and the payments of the tens of thousands of dollars I owe for student loans kick in. It is this that worries me most, leaving school, owing tens of thousands of dollars and knowing that every month hundreds of my hard-earned dollars will go towards paying them off. This is a big change for me. I have never been in debt once in my life. In fact, I just opened up my first credit card two months ago.
I furthered my education not just to become a more learned individual, but also to have a better lifestyle when I graduate. Now, what if I cannot find a job in my respective field? I could be forced to go back to the blue-collar lifestyle (if there are any jobs available) I lived in high school. I did not come to college and create a humongous debt for myself just to go work in a blue-collar job. Although my change is not anywhere near the magnitude of the change “our beloved heroin” Hepzibah underwent, it is still a downward movement. A movement against the American Dream and a move I do not want to make.
While I don't have anything against an informal paper or introduction, I will riff off something that Max said -- there is a change in tone between the first two paragraphs. Maybe more importantly, some of the material in the first one isn't strictly necessary.
You could have done more with the novel/romance here - more, especially, to try to show that this is a representative quote, rather than just a random one. You might, for instance, have touched on other moments concerned with downward mobility.
The best material here is the personal material - the fact that you feel yourself to be potentially in H's position, and that our culture is, in some ways, in the same position as H's culture.
This could have worked without much more material on the book *if* you'd fleshed it out a little - for instance, by doing a little bit of research on the implication of student loans (you generally can't avoid them through bankruptcy, for instance), or on the real problem of downward mobility in our society...
In short, I think this is promising, but you needed either to add some substance on the book itself, or on the more personal issues which concern you - there simply isn't as much here as there could be. It's a little wordy *and* a little short - this reads more like a promising 1 page paper than a finished 2 page paper.
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