Thursday, February 28, 2008

Rough Draft

My topic covers how people choose to socially interact with others via online and computer based programs specifically MMORPG's. I also am bringing in how the technology allows us to accomplish such things. This is however just a rough draft and I am interested in some feedback before I finish writing it, I left further areas I am going to touch on at the end of the draft.

Here is the link to the file:
click on "free download"
enter in the image code and then the download should start


Adam Johns said...

Here's a link to a version with my comments:

Jacob Busofsky said...

As noted, you don’t really have a thesis. What you do have, however, is a good question/prompt for which to write about: “Many computer savvy people choose to interact with others via online channels such as computer games, forums, and instant messaging services. Why do people choose this route as opposed to real life contact, particularly in the case with MMORPGs (massively multiplayer online role playing games)?” My advice is to answer your own question first and then go about proving that argument. Why do more people choose to play these forms of entertainment/communication instead of human to human contact? Once you have answered that, you should try to prove the argument using anything you can. I’d imagine there’s some articles out there on the human element connected with computers. Try to find as much as you can on that specific topic instead of just on the topic of MMORPGs, the Internet, etc. You provide almost too much background information about the forms of technology themselves rather than why people would choose to interact using them rather than in person. Like Adam said in his comments, you begin to make a little bit of an argument in your last paragraph. I would try to be a little more specific here and move it up to the front. Then, base the rest of your paper off of that making sure to constantly bring things back to your thesis. How does such and such information prove your argument? Some background info is definitely going to be necessary for a paper like this, but again the focus should be more on your argument than on the broader topic. Good luck, this sounds like the general area has a lot of potential and I’m interested to see how you hone in on a specific argument and develop it.