Include the standard comments about 'omg this is a rough draft, i have so much to add, it's poorly written, i know, i'll fix it, kthxbai'
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfg2rp5v_4f6q8tbdn
Things to do:
Add how these points relate to objectivism and the real world
talk about how the story of the game makes its own judgement call a bit more
clean up the structure a bit. it feels sort of odd.
4 comments:
Here's a link to a version with my comments:
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dcc3x9c8_22f3hjp6qz
To be a bit nit picky you should explain rapture is an under water city. You start speaking about it and people may have no idea what you are talking about (if they do not play video games for example).
Secondly I am not sure if this is your statement or Ryan's "as giving any one individual too much political power encourages repression and fascism." It is important to know who thinks this, because it is flawed logic (as fascism implies dictator ship and racism amongst other things and giving somebody too much power may not necessarly lead to such outcome).
Anyway, to continue...
The third to last paragraph where you talk about the brutality of the murder of the once human splicers - you certainly include the question of morality whether it is okay to kill them and you do mention the fact that they are trying to kill you. I should like to add that should make mention that these splicers lunge at you with various weapons, screaming and whaling trying to kill you. It is instinctive self defense not senseless murder concerning itself with morality. Long story short, you do not have a choice if you want to progress in the game but slay the splicer or be slain by the splicer (correct me if I am wrong).
"Oh, if I kill this one, I can squeeze out both another slot and buy a plasmid for it, but if I let her live, I'll have to replace a plasmid with the new one." - Again, please elaborate since I (and many others have not played this game) what another slot is. Make sure you clarify how the game works.
I do like your point about short term vs long term satisfaction of moral decisions that people make. I also like the idea that the "good" decision leads to the "good" ending.
I should also like to suggest that you include some points such as why "no gods, no kings" is important to the question of morality. Also, maybe you can elaborate of what human is and what can be saved. Should animals be treated like objects since they are not human? Should they not? You could tap onto a lot of interesting points if you dig a bit further...
Excuse my spelling, I hope the points I make are coherent though :)
Good Stuff
Here are my comments on your paper.
Tried not to repeat anything already said.
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dc35qpwvn_6hdq64cw
if you have any questions/comments
email me at kevmoh@gmail.com
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